I’m sure we can all agree that “We Belong” by Pat Benatar is one of the most beautiful love songs ever written, and I want to lift that up today and see if we can find something more in it than just romance. After all, love is the foundation for every type of human relationship. Communities, circles of friends, spiritual fellowships, political parties and caucuses, grassroots networks, extended families and even nations are all bound by a shared experience of joy and comraderie in a common purpose and set of ideas.
It’s become common to accept that society is deeply fragmented and divided in irreparable ways, and to be sure the past few elections and the many turning points we’ve reached in the culture wars have put a real strain on the bonds that unite humankind. Who hasn’t blocked somebody they knew for years, or experienced the discomfort of realignment as the internet has transformed all of us with its empowering access to all of the knowledge and ideas that ever existed for us to choose from, explore and combine in new and even more exciting (or uncomfortable, depending on your point of view) ways?
Who hasn’t felt the sinking sense of impending doom as they watched people they love descend into bitter, enraged feuding on one of their posts? Who hasn’t cried at least once at the thought of leaving a cherished network of allies behind when the strain became so great that there appeared no other choice? And yet, this miracle called the internet has brought us together in ways so much more powerful than this illusion of a divide.
I want to suggest that you give this song a listen, and sure, think about your crush or your spouse or your partner, let that sense of resolve and “staying togetherness” sink in — and then listen to it again, but this time think about your friends. Your city. Your fellowship. Your caucus. That random facebook group where you go just to argue. That person you blocked last week. Your arch rival. Think about them on a human level, from the pure primal instinct not just to survive, but to flourish, and think about what it would mean to place shared hopes and interests ahead of your pain. What would it mean to let go of your fears, your doubts, your resentments, and let the unifying power of love take its place?
Gillette is right. But not just about toxic aspects of men who are only a product of cultural forces bigger than them in the first place. Those cultural forces are a shared product of how strong our love as a people is for each other. Of course men can do better. Even non-toxic ones. You know who else can? ALL OF US. Humanity, we can do better. It starts by seeing one another as inherently worthy of our best.
You deserve my best, because I deserve your best. What can *I* do to become my best? When I center that question I gain agency over manifesting it. I want the best for you, for me, for all of us. Don’t we all? We have that in common, and that’s something worth working toward. That’s a foundation of love we can build on. We *all* deserve to know what a world set free of oppression, violence, and suffering looks like. We belong to that world!! And if we reach out and grab it right now, we can bring that world home to live in together.
